I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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