..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
