I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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