You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I want her autograph on my taint
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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