Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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