when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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