my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
