U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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