drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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