Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
