Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
