Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
