I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
