The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
