love makes seman taste better
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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