i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Randomize
