if i can run in heels then i can drive
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
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