i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
