Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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