She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I enjoy the company of your penis
Randomize
