New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
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So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
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I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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