TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
