So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
