Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
