She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
