Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
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He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
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Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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