part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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