I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
