I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
