do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Randomize
