i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I need a hoe opinion
go on
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
