PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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