honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
