I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
