Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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