Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
