Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Randomize
