Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I touched a dick in church today
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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