Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Randomize
