once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
