it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
