Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Randomize
