We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
