I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
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