i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
