sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
