i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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