There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
