Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
