Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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