I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Randomize
