and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
