I want you more than these girls want KFC
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
