It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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