Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
