I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
