Whod you bang
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
