I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
