4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
