We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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