Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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