I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
