if we break up, who will get the dealer?
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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