All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
