He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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