Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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