Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Randomize
