i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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